Mountain Biking Mayham

I used to love mountain biking. I have a merit badge that says so. (I sewed that merit badge on myself, yet surprisingly never got around to getting the sewing merit badge.) But I haven't really been mountain biking for about ten years. Here are some of the lessons I learned when trying to return to the world's most technical, endurance sport:

1. Don't pick an actual mountain for your first mountain biking trip in over ten years.
2. If you do make the mistake of picking a "mountain", don't pick one where people like to ski down during the winter.
3. Don't pick an 85 degree day to return to the sport. Especially if you have had spent a full week in an air conditioned car.
4. Don't pick northern Michigan, which is essentially God's sandbox. While it may be great for more experienced bikers, it sucks for beginners.
5. Don't return to the sport on the day that they decided to hold races.
6. Don't pass out in the bed of poison ivy.
7. Don't go on an empty stomach, even you if you think to yourself "hey, I've got a box full of Clark Bars in the car, I'll just pack some with me before I hit the trail" because you will forget.
8. Don't think to yourself that a few laps in a hotel pool is the only excersise you needed for the past two weeks.
9. When renting the bike, don't look at the guy you are renting from in the eye and say "well, 13 miles doesn't seem like enough. How's the 16 mile trail? Can I do that in two hours?"
10. Don't look at the guy you rented the bike from in the eye when you return the bike two hours early.
11. If, after the trip, someone asks if you fell...lie. Come up with an exciting tale about hitting a tree. This will earn you either more respect for doing such an adverturous sport, or make the person listening to your story think you are an idiot. It's really a win-win.
12. When biking with a girlfriend new to the sport, under no circumstances should you admit to her that you are hating the experience as much as she is.
13. For the girlfriends, feel free to fake a fall mid trail if you dislike the experience so much. Also feel free to stop the fake limp after the bikes have been returned.
14. Don't think to yourself, "hey, at least this whole experience would be a funny blog entry" because: a. it's not that funny and b. even if it was funny, it doesn't make up for the pain of the trip.

For those more observant readers of our blog would notice that Katie and I are spending Memorial Day with our respective families, and therefore could not have gone mountain biking with me. So how could I have made the observations about biking with a girlfriend? The answer was simple. While I was slipping in and out of conscienceness due to heat stroke, I was observing a couple that had followed me onto the trail. I am happy to report that they began biking after me and ended before me. When faced with great challenges and failing them completely, life is really about the smaller victories.

Trip Data

On the Road: Day 11
Film Day: 8
Beginning Point: Royal Oak, MI
Ending Point: Lake Huron, Canada (Katie); Boyne City, MI (Mike)
Via: Highland Park, Hamtramck, Detroit
Total Milage: 399 (Mike), 286 (Katie, est)
Number of cars that decided that the ramp from one interstate to another was the perfect place to pull onto a sholder, without using turn signal: 3
Number of hours it's supposed to take from Royal Oak to Boyne: 4
Number of hours it takes from Royal Oak to Boyne on Memorial Day weekend during rush hours: 5 and a half.
Number of times a Simms family member mentioned that it was a good thing that Katie and I spending a weekend away from each other: 5

Trip Data

On the Road: 11
Film Day: 8
Beginning Point: Royal Oak, MI
Ending Point: Royal Oak, MI
Via: Livonia, Plymoth, Novi
Total Milage: 215
Microbrews Tried: 2
Number of Deer that tried to kill us by running across the 4 interstate lanes: 1
Interesting Myth: Novi gets its name from the fact that the region was onced named on the map as "No. VI". Whether or not that's true doesn't matter.

Trip Data

On the Road Day: 10

Film Day: 7

Beginning Point: Royal Oak

Ending Point: Royal Oak

Via: Southfield, 8 Mile, Livonia, St. Claire Shores, Troy

Total Milage: 290

Microbrews Tried: 6 (per person)

Number of filming days before we broke the camera: 7

Number of times Mike dropped the camera on a tiled floor: 2

Number of cracks in the camera's LCD screen: 3

Number of interstate lanes the gps told us to cross in under 0.2 miles: 5

Number of Birthday's Celebrated: 1

Girl to Guy ratio at Katie's Birthday Dinner: 5:1

Trip Data

On the Road Day: 9 

Film Day: 6

Beginning Point: Royal Oak

Ending Point: Royal Oak

Via: Hazel Park, Troy, Southfield

Total Milage: 160

Microbrews Tried: 1 (per person)

Number of filming days before Katie figured out how to use the tripod. 6

Most jarring event seen thus far during working hours: A school bus filled with kids excited about going to the zoo T-boning a Honda. We were surprised to see someone driving a foreign car in Detroit. 

Oddest bumper sticker thus far: A silhouette of a guardian angel, complete with halo, doing a pin-up pose. 

Number of Times Katie praised Tim Horton's before, during, after our trip there: (infinity and still counting)

Number of misspelled words Mike wrote in this posting that Katie corrected: (infinity and still counting)

Number of minutes Katie has before she's 25: 7 

Is this interesting?

Is this interesting? I've always been of the opinion that blogs get boring. Let us know if this is worth while. 

Katie-ism

New series. Mike makes fun of some of the things Katie's says and embarrasses her by making them public. (Let's count the number of days this series lasts together).

This one requires a bit of context (which probably means the final punch line won't be as funny). This context actually requires some history. In world war I, the allies lost a major ally when the communist revolution swept through Russia. To President Woodrow "I'm a blatant racists" Wilson, these Communist were a bigger threat than the remain Kaiser Krauts. So, in September of 1918, America led an expedition to Russia for the following reasons. First, they thought they could save the Eastern Front against the Germans. Two, they had to save the Czech Legion which was in Russia while fighting the Germans. But mostly, it was about continuing the new Russian civil war. 

Consider this, the US went to Russia in September, WWI ended in November, US left Russia in July 1919. We were fighting Russians (our allies when we joined the war) longer than we fought the Germans in all of World War I. The worse part was that the actual US troops had no idea why they were slugging through 16 foot snow drifts well after the war they volunteered for was over. To be fair, I don't think their Officers knew the answer. After all, Napoleon failed to invade Russia with 650,000 men. What was the infant world power the United States supposed to do with only 5,000? Over a hundred dead and missing US troops were left behind. 

A strong percentage of this expedition were from Michigan. The reason was simple: it's cold. It snows. You're qualified. As a result, the huge cemetery that is borders I-75, just south of Long Lake, honors many in this expedition with a Polar Bear Monument (named after the expeditions nickname). 

Katie-ism

Katie and I tried to spy this white monument from Crooks road as we drove from Rochester. Apparently, it's not easy to find from that side of the cemetery. But as we passed one white monument, Katie jumped up and excitedly pointed: "Is that the polar bear!"

Mike: "No, that's Jesus Christ"

Katie, with a sense of disappointment: "Oh."

Alright, I'll try to keep these Katie-isms shorter (assuming I'm allowed to). 

Trip Data

Beginning Point: Royal Oak

Ending Point: Royal Oak

Via: Corktown, Allen Park, 8 Mile

Conditions: Sunny, high 83

Total Miles: 160 (?)

Number of times Katie yelled "I want out of this car!": 4

Number of times Mike said, "oh man, we've got to do that blog": 8

Number of phone calls from Mike's "other job": 4

Bald Mountain

This weekend, Katie and I finally got to the great outdoors. We loved spring in Chicago and tried to explore the parks regularly. But there is nothing like hiking in Michigan. Now that we are back in Detroit, where does one go to explore the wilderness? Pinckney. It has a nice two day backpacking trip founded by the boy scouts that's great for beginning backwoods adventurers and experienced mountain bikers. Oh, and it's minutes away from Hell.

But forget all of that. We went to Bald Mountain.  

Bald Mountain was voted the best family recreation area (or something) by Detroit NBC (or someone)...in, like, 1986 (or at sometime). It also boasts "some of the steepest hills and rugged terrain in southeastern Michigan." After hiking these "rugged" trails, it just underscored how flat southeastern Michigan really is. This pancaking effect tends to happen when a mile of ice is on top of you. The glacier was so heavy, it dented the earth. Lake Superior has been losing water while Huron's southern border has been advancing as Superior's elevation continues to slowly rebound to what it was before the ice age.  

Bald Mountain is neither a mountain, nor really that bald. It was nice hiking under the trees. But Katie and I think that Bald Mountain is a lot more attractive name than one that really describes it: "Muddy Trails Around Mosquito Infested, Stagnant Ponds State Recreation Area."

For what it's worth, Bald Mountain is actually a really nice hike though. Katie and I spent a nice five miles of muddy, slightly hilly trails in 87 degree sun. We saw seven snakes, most of them simply Ribbon Snakes wanting a sunbath on the trail. It's really a lovely hike, but we have some suggestions:

1. This trail system is better for mountain bikers (all none of you reading this now). It's a great trail system to learn to ride. It's a great system to ride after work. I wish I had a bike. If anyone is interested in getting me one, I would like this one specifically: http://www.rei.com/product/798503. It's currently 15% off. 

2. Don't go hiking a day after it rains. The trails are torn up by the mountain bikers, so some of the "hills" are very muddy and slippery. 

3. Don't try to grab a small dogs leash after a owner in capri sweatpants accidently drop it. You may fall in the mud. 

4. DO NOT go during mosquito season. Even with mosquito repellent and after taking a bath in deet, just don't do it. The "ponds" aren't really ponds. They look like they are dying. You can tell when a pond or a lake is dying based on the amount of water lilies and green slime is on top. This means the water is stagnant and there is no longer any water flow to push out the sediments. So, the pond is dying. It'll eventually be filled. But in the meantime, they are perfect breading grounds for mosquitos. 

But in all sincerity, after all of the miles in the car on the road, it was nice to be covering some miles on foot. Looking for recommendations on where to spend our first camping trip. 

 

Trip Data

Beginning Point: Rochester Hills, MI

Ending Point: Royal Oak, MI

Via: Bald Mountain Recreational Park

Conditions: Sunny, high of 85

Total Miles: 84

Total Miles Hiked: 4.5

Total number of snakes seen: 7

Total number of snakes that made Katie jump in the air and scream "oh Jesus!" in a high pitched voice: 1

Weight of dog that made mike slip on his ass in the mud: 4lbs (est)

A special thanks to Karen and Jimmy Jensen for allowing us to use their house while they were gone. Another thanks to Kirsten for hosting us this evening.

Trip Data

Even though it was our day off:

Beginning Point: Rochester Hills, MI

Ending Point: Rochester Hills, MI

Via: Frankenmuth, Birch Run

Total Miles: 147

Conditions: Mostly cloudy with a high of 86

Microbrews Tried: 10 (per person, plus tasting each others)

Why: Wold Expo of Beer

Number of typos Katie found in a Bridal pamphlet before throwing it away in disgust: 13

(This included four in an article for a jeweler that misspelled both "diamonds" and "jewelry". Katie's final conclusion, "remind me not to get married in Flint.")

First of the summer: suntan lotion.  

Microbrew Ratings

Ratings are on a five pint system.

Katie and I must agree to a common number in order to keep us entertained with the rating system.

Frankenmuth Brewery

Frankenmuth, MI

2 1/2 pints

Redwood Lodge

Flint, MI

4 1/2 pints

Arbor Brewing Company

Ann Arbor, MI

3 pints

Grizzly Peak Brewing Company

Ann Arbor, MI

3 1/2 pints

Microbrew Minute

Redwood Lodge

After the plentiful and varied, but ultimately dull sampling at the Frankenmuth Brewery, I had started to become concerned that the Microbrews of the Midwest may have been a bust. After all, Flint was our next stop and, while I have been to a microbrew in Ann Arbor, we really didn't have a promising pub until Detroit, which we thought was about a week away.

Flint

So, Katie posted on her Facebook "what's there to do in Flint?". Our favorite response was "apply for unemployment." After all, Flint is actually a small city that has a history that has seen rosier days. Flint founded America's car industry just as much as America's car industry founded Flint. For a brief period, all Chevy's and Buick's were made in Flint. 

But the story of the founder of GM is similar to Flint's story (from an amateur's perspective). In 1908, William Durant founded GM after first making Buick the largest manufacture of cars. GM was created by merging 13 car manufacturers and 1o auto part suppliers together. He moved the headquarters from Flint to Detroit in the 1920's. He lost GM twice. The first time, he would go on to find Chevrolet, just to make enough money to buy GM back. Then he went bankrupt after the 1929 market crash. After that, Durant ran a bowling alley until he died in 1947. How do you tell someone that you went from one of the most influential men in America to disinfecting rented two-toned shoes? Who would believe you?   

This story just sounds like Flint, that had a peak population in the 1960's just under 200 thousand. Flint has lost half that population since. 

Redwood Lodge

And yet there is an oasis in Flint. Don't let the snowcapped alpine mountains and evergreen trees in their logo fool you, this microbrew is in Flint. The Redwood Lodge was an absolutely perfect bar. It is the winner of two gold's from the World Beer Cup and three gold medals from the Great American Beer Festival (suck it Sam Adams). In 2008, the Great American Beer Fest named Redwood Lodge the Small Brewpub of the year. This place knows how to brew great beer. 

Not only that, but this place serves great food. Fantastic, though expensive, food. I say expensive, but in perspective, it was properly priced because of the quantity and quality. Katie had the bruschetta with huge chucks of mozzarella. I had the wild game sausage with potato pancakes (apparently, it's boar season). The log cabin motif sets the right atmosphere. They have a cigar club (with a cigar bar), beer tasting club, mug club, wine tasting, and all sorts of awesomeness. Simply among the best bars I've ever been to (in the none dive bar category).

Essentially, here's what happened. Katie and I went there for lunch while working in Flint. It was just fantastic. The hostess was sweet and the waiter was engaging and helpful without constantly pestering you. Essentially, he was the classic definition of a good waiter, there when you need him, not there when you don't. So, we enjoyed lunch so much that after we dipped our toes in Lake Huron (which we got paid to do), we came back for some growlers. That's how good this place was. 

To get there:

Alright, it's basically on North Bound 23. It's the last exit before 23 merges with 75 (Hill). Then it's in the complex, behind a hotel and office building. How do I know this? Because of our job, we pass it 9 times. Highly encourage you to go there.

Trip Data

Trip Data:
Beginning Point: Hartland, Michigan
Ending Point: Rochester Hills, Michigan
Via: Ann Arbor, Ypsilanti, Romulus
Miles: 290 (ish)
Conditions: Rain, high of 71
Worse On Ramp: 94 meets 275. Two ramps are out and the ones that remain, I would actually prefer if they were dirt roads because dirt roads have less potholes.
Favorite Airport Strip Joint: "The Landing Strip". (Though Katie said she would prefer to go to "Flight Club" because, and this is an exact quote, "I think the girls are prettier"
Number of Times GPS took us to someone's house instead of the restaurant we entered into them: 2
The number of minutes the GPS was on during our 8 hour work day: 17 minutes
Number of times Mike told Katie to turn of the GPS: 17

Detroit

We have officially finished our first full week of work! And I'm still pretty sure this is the greatest job ever. We've arrived in Detroit, and are now getting paid to stay at my parents empty house.

For those of you wondering what exactly it is we do:

GPS Field Researchers
Summary: Drive around a region (Great Lakes states, in our case) and film specific points ("junctions"). You know how I-75 meets I-94? We have to film 16 separate points for that junction. It's more complicated than it sounds, but still pretty fun. Then they take our footage and turn it into GPS-cartoon. Then, we use our company-issued GPS to find microbrews in the area (for dinner). Get paid hourly rate+nightly lodging stipend+car stipend+gas reimbursements+toll road reimbursements. Trucks and rain make our job less fun. Sometimes we drive in circles. Sometimes people look at me funny because I have a tripod between my legs, and I'm filming them. Sometimes I get a power trip from filming people from the confines of the car.

We don't have to be anywhere at any specific time, which is nice because we were able to work out being in Detroit for some family events over the next two weeks. On that note, we were paid to sit in traffic today.

Being in the car together for 8 hours a day, we start to get a little...punchy at times. Coupled with this is the knowledge that we have an audience, because someone from the office will sit and review our footage. It's fun.

Microbrew suggestions for anywhere in Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, North Dakota or South Dakota greatly appreciated. GPS recommended one to us today. It was a house in a neighborhood of some creepy section of Ypsilanti. I never trusted those things. Just don't mention that to our boss.

Katie

Trip Data

Day 3:

Beginning Point: Hartland, Michigan.

Ending Point: Hartland, Michigan

Via: Brighton, Ann Arbor

Miles: Around 320

Number of Microbrews tried: 16 (per person)

Number of Times Katie made Mike listen to "Fearless" by Taylor Swift: 4

Number of Times Katie cursed at or threw the GPS at the dashboard in disgust: 7

Number of Cousins who had a fantastic night with the two drifters: 1

An Apology to Germany

To the People of Germany,

I would like to formally apologize for ours (the United States of America) overall lack of being informed on international cultures. While in America, I had not realized that the problem had gotten so bad, because, after all, international cultures are, well, international. We don't see the foreign cultures and therefore we do not see how little we understand them. 

I was naively satisfied with the situation until I visited Frankenmuth, Michigan ("Michigan's Little Bavaria"). This town is simply a slap in the face to your country, and for that, I would like to apologize. Apparently, our ignorance of foreign cultures extend to the cultures that we are trying to celebrate through imitation. If mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery, than bad miming must be considered a kick to the groin. 

So, I would like to apologize for the following transgressions:

1. I would like to apologize for our belief that Germany celebrates Christmas 365 days a year. Even that Germans celebrate Christmas. Yes, you gave the world the Christmas tree, and for forcing us to bring a tree (something that looks better outside the house) in side our homes and next to our blazing hearths, you are being punished. I am sorry that 2 Million people visit the World's Largest Christmas Store that simply promotes this mistaken belief (www.bronners.com).

1b. Considering the fact that the number of Christian Germans has been dropping rapidly over the past three decades, and that there are fewer Christian believers than non-believers younger than 40 in Germany, I apologize that Bronner's spells Christmas, "CHRISTmas" as though people had forgotten what that holiday was about or were starting to believe it is a Jewish holiday.  

2. I am sorry that we assume that Santa Clause was German (Saint Nick is actually from Istanbul). The good people at the Coca-Cola Company are to blame for this, really. If I were you, I would sue them for royalties or copyright infringement. 

3. I am sorry that our German restaurants, the place that started Frankenmuth as the Vaterland tourist trap that it has become, thinks that the classic German dish is Fried Chicken. (www.zehnders.com). While the 15 dish dinner looks good, I must say that in all my time in Germany, I never saw a single Kentucky Fried Chicken, let alone a real piece of fried chicken. As of print, Colonel Sanders has declined to comment on that last statement.  

4. I am sorry that we take one of your classic cautionary children's tale from the indisputable cultural heroes, the Brothers Grimm, as advertising. I'm sorry that this advertising scene features the Pied Piper in the act of stealing all of the children from the town. I am sorry that this very act of kidnapping and implied pedophilia was depicted as a happy occasion. I am sorry that this cautionary tale about the dangers of accepting rides from strangers was painted on a courtesy van, whose whole point is that you are taking a ride from a stranger. I am sorry that this courtesy van travels less than a quarter mile. 

5. I am sorry that we have decided to pump "German-style" traditional music at an outdoor shopping center that would make the most nationalistic German puke. I am sorry that this music was actually composed, recorded, and sung by Americans (as indicated by the fact that the lyrics were in both German and English). Then again, you resurrected David Hasselhoff's singing career, so let's just call it even.

6. I am also sorry that America's second oldest Microbrew (www.frankenmuthbrewery.com), which was created to remind people of the German style beer, is far weaker in quality and taste than the imported German beer found at the fried chicken place.

In short, I find it ironic that a place that has built up it's tourism based on celebrating its German heritage, has so completely failed in knowing what that heritage actually is. Nevertheless, we should be back this weekend.

 

Microbrews of the Midwest

So, to add some adventure to our trip, we decided to create a theme. After a long day of work, you've got to enjoy your life. After all, we've decided to work to live and not live to work this summer. I've asked a few people for some themes and got some good suggestions. 

Some suggested history. But since we aren't going to southern Illinois and southern Indiana, anything Lincoln is out of the question, and, frankly, what other history has really happened here (he asks on the day he visited the birthplace of Thomas Edison)? The point is that it would be too difficult to add continuity to the history theme.

One suggested ballparks (both minor league and the majors). Ben Simms started me off really well on this with two trips to Wrigley (the second oldest ballpark in US). But Katie and I don't like baseball. We like drinking beer at baseball games but that's about the extent of it. 

Let's face it, any trip theme would involve drinking, so why not do a trip theme on drinking. (Though, naturally, we do not advocate drinking and driving. Just don't do it.). That's why our trip theme is Microbrews of the Midwest. We are searching for the best beers in the best states. In day one, it was the Frankenmoth Brewery. Day two featured world award winners from the Redwood Lodge in Flint (where Mike ate Boar). This weekend, the World Beer Expo, featuring over 250 beers from around the world. 

The point is, help us by doing our planning for us. Where is your favorite Midwest Microbrew? What makes it special to you? What would make it special for us? 

Send answers post haste, as we will be in your area before you know it. 

Trip Data

Trip Data:

Day: 2

Starting Point: Frankenmoth, MI

Ending Point: Hartland, MI

Via: Flint, Port Huron

Miles: 490

Types of Microbrews Tried: 3

Number of Times We Passed the Same McDonalds: 13

Great Lake We Skipped Rocks and Stuck our Toes In: Huron

Est. Number of be Hours on the Road: 10 or 11 or zzzzzzzzz

Special Thanks to Terri and Emmy Jensen for allowing us to stay in their lovely home with Belle. Also, thank you to Emmy's boyfried for cooking a fantastic meal and allowing Michael to eat steak with mushrooms. 

Trip Data

Day 1:
Starting Point: Boyne City, MI
Ending Point: Frankenmuth, MI
Via: Grayling, Clare, Bay City, Saginaw, Bay City Saginaw, Bay City, Saginaw
Total Miles: 321
Total Number of Times GPS Told Us to Take a Dirt Road: 2
Total Number of Times GPS Got Completely Befuddled: 5
Ducklings Chasing Us: 6
Different Types of Beer Drunk This Evening: 8 (per person)


Mike

Day 1? 2?

Yesterday was officially our first day. Drove from Chicago to Boyne, dined at Red Mesa. Tough life.

Today was our first day really "working". Driving through the backwoods of sunny Northern Michigan, filming here and there. At one point, Mike looks over at me and goes "We get paid for this?!?". (Explanations of what it is we're actually doing to be posted later...we're tired now.)

Staying in a lovely hotel in Frankenmuth tonight. Walked through town and wound up finishing up paperwork at the Frankenmuth Brewery. Had the sampler; 8 4-ounce beers each (for $10!). Mike has ideas on touring microbrews of the Midwest, so we will surely work hard on that.

More later. Just...tired. And maybe a bit drunk.

Katie