Trip Data

On the Road: 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99
Film Day: 59 - 65
Starting Point: Knoxville, TN
Ending Point: Louisville, KY
Via: Beckley, WV, New River Gorge, Charleston, WV, Cincinnati, OH, Lexington, KY
Miles: 263, 393, 82, 414, 276, 8, 116, 336, 246

(Sorry. This one was more for the records.)

Ketchup

There is really one of two reasons why we don't blog. Katie and I are either too bored or we are too busy. That is to say that we either have nothing to say or we have to much to say. And do. Minneapolis was a case of the former. Since leaving Minneapolis, two weeks ago, we have been in the whirlwind of the latter.

So, to play catch up (does the title make sense now?), here is the list of activities and our impressions over the past few weeks:

1. Went to Custer State Park in the Black Hills of South Dakota.
A. Beautiful.

2. Experienced Sturgis, the annual motorcycle rally
A. It looked like a middle-aged, middle-class, middled-bodied male refugee camp.

3. Saw the Crazy Horse Monument.
A. Ultimately, impressive though incomplete.
B. Really impressed by the story of the sculptor. Unlike Rushmore, this man worked alone for the first five years; he twice turned down $10 Million from the US Government. It took them fifty years just to finish the face. Actually, it was impressive that they finished the face, since the sculptor actually died twenty years before that.

4. Saw the "City of Presidents". The life size statues of presidents on the blocks around Rapid City
A. Personally slapped James Buchanan across the back of the head. He's had that coming for the past 150 years.

6. Moved in the herd of Buffalo.
A. Then ate a bison burger.
B. We were so close, we could have touched them. But we didn't. That would have been stupid.

7. Saw Rushmore.
A. First time we saw it was during their night presentation. We were expecting an overly patriotic rally. What we got was NPR ranger's twenty minute speech about Lewis and Clark expedition. My problem with that is that Lewis and Clark died without knowing the Black Hills existed.
B. Ultimately, Rushmore seemed unfinished. See our facebook pictures to see what Rushmore was supposed to look like.

8. Went to Wall Drugs
A. Wall Drugs gained it's fame when a pharmacists started to post signs next to the highway advertising free ice water. These signs went out for miles, even ending up throughout Europe during WWII, all advertising a drug store in Wall, SD. There are soldiers in Iraq posting those signs today. The sign next to the Taj Mahal says it’s “only 10,728 miles to Wall Drug.” This simple advertising turned this drug store into a gift shop that took over an entire town of 800, and still offers 5 cent coffee to it's two million annual visitors (Badlands National Park, which is literally next door, gets less than a million visitors a year). Katie's favorite part: when she found out that it was the wife's idea to put up the signs.

9. Went to the Badlands National Park.
A. Mike: Absolutely Amazing.
B. Katie: They're bad, Mike. Just Bad.

10. Drove through Nebraska/Kansas.
A. Saw the world famous Nebraska sand-dunes (before we found out that we drove through the world famous Nebraska sand dunes).
B. It's not that we live in a very large country; it's that we live in a very empty country. I figured that out when we almost ran out of gas.

11. Dwight D. Eisenhower Presidential Museum:
A. First of all: Sorry Grandma S.
B. The museum was horrible. An insult to what that man accomplished for the world.
C. West Point was Ike's safety school. His first choice was the Naval Academy in Annapolis

12. Will Roger's Museum
A. "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. "
B. "I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat."
C. "I am an American. I'm not the kind that landed here on the Mayflower, but my people were there to wave hello as they came a-shore."
D. "I never met a man I didn't like."

13. Family in Tulsa.
A. Maya Angelou once said that the stage she was speaking on felt crowded; crowded with the family and ancestors that lived and helped blazed the trail that brought her to that stage. I learned that no matter how far out you hide, no matter how long you hide, no matter how thick your hide, when you come back to see your family, you'll find that a good chunk of them had been with you on that journey the entire time.

14. Clinton Museum
A. We sent him a video message wishing him a happy birthday. He may have fast-forwarded over our part.

15. Memphis
A. BBQ Tofu Nachos are AMAZING

16. Jensen's in Alabama
A. The farther a family member lives away from home, the quicker the family dirt comes out.
B. Katie also returned to Space Camp. Michael almost threw up.

17. Nashville
A. Nashville sucks. As a Red Wings fan, I don't get why you're hockey team is called the Predators. I've seen NBC's Dateline and I don't think those kind of predators would make a good mascot. Not with kids around.
B. And you're the home of the Country Music Hall of Fame. As a fan of Rock, that's like opening a museum honoring the individual Cardinals of the the Spanish Inquisition.
C. I'm glad the Grand Ole Opry got flooded. (Actually I'm not. A lot of people are out of work now because of that. That kind of sucks).
D. GO COLTS!

18. Chattanooga.
A. It has a choo-choo
B. Katie is becoming less tolerant of Michael's passion for tourists traps.

19. Atlanta
A. Wonderful time with a dear friend.
B. In his birth certificate, Jimmy Carter's father made a note that he would be call Jimmy "which would obviously be changed to Jim."
C. Before carving Abe Lincoln on Rushmore, Gutzon Borglum was carving a monument to Robert E. Lee on Stone Mountain. But the patrons of Stone Mountain became so pissed at him that not only did they fire him, but they blasted his completed carving off the mountain and started carving the monument all over again.

20. Knoxville
A. Home of the 1982 World's Fair. It made a profit of $57.

Trip Data

On the Road: 87, 88, 89, 90
Film Day: 57, 58
Starting Point: Nashville, TN
Ending Point: Knoxville, TN
Via: Chattanooga, TN, Atlanta, GA
Miles: 440, 243, ?, 213

Nobel Peace Prize seen: Jimmy Carter's.
Main theme of World of Coke: "Our marketing tricked you into liking Coke."
Oddity: The mountain carving of Jefferson Davis is 30 feet taller than the mountain carving of Abe Lincoln. What would the extra-terrestrial anthropologists of the future think?

Trip Data

On the Road: 84, 85, 86
Film Day: 55, 56
Starting Point: Memphis, TN
Ending Point: Nashville, TN
Via: Middle of Nowhere, MS; Florence, AL, Decatur, AL; Space and Rocket Center
Miles: 202, 280, 242
Number of stories of Saturn V rocket: 37
Number of times mike wanted to threw up on Saturn V rocket: 2
Number of years the fried chicken was voted best in nashville: 2 consecutive
Number of Confederate Flags: 17

Last one.

Number of pictures uploaded to our respective Facebook accounts: 187.

Thanks to those who enjoy sharing our trip.

Katie-isms

While leaving the Clinton Presidential Museum:
"I want to write a book about him and call it 'Between Two Bushes'"

To our Memphis bartender:
"Can I get my Yeungling to go?"

Trip Data

On the Road: 80, 81, 82, 83
Film Day: 54
Starting Point: Valentine, NE
Ending Point:Memphis, TN
Via: Salina, KS, Abilene, KS, Bartlesville, OK, Tulsa, OK, Little Rock, AR
Miles: 403, 344, 100, 427
Presidential Libraries Visited: Eisenhower, Clinton
Cost of beer in Arkansas: 50 cents
Beer options in Tulsa bar: 350
Estimated High in Memphis tomorrow: 116

Special thanks to Marilyn Keefer and Margaret Morhart for hosting us on two fantastic evenings in Oklahoma. They helped re-introduced a lost Morhart boy to his cousins and taught a bit more family history. All while having a genuinely fun, western time. Your gracious hospitality was much appreciated.

Katie - isms

In the buffalo heard:
- Am I going to get gored by a buffalo?
- No dear, you're in the car.
- But my window is open!

We were in the middle of the heard. At one point, if I opened my car door, I would have hit a calf with the door. We did get out of the car too. (Please note that buffalo are dangerous. Do not approach). One buffalo did grunt at Katie and then jogged across the road, about three feet away from her.

Wild Donkeys
"I don't want to get licked by an ass!"


Essentially what was about to happen to Katie.

Trip Data

On the Road:77, 78, 79
Film Day: 54
Starting Point: Sioux Falls, SD
Ending Point: Valentine, NE
Miles: 530, 304, 282
Via: Rapid City, SD; Crazy Horse Memorial, Deadwood, Mount Rushmore, Custer State Park, Badlands
Microbrews: 4
Number of times Katie said this about the Badlands National Park, "Their bad, Mike. Just bad.": 163
Most popular license plate in Mount Rushmore's parking lot: South Dakota
Number of presidential monuments seen: 42
Number of wild buffalo seen: 65 of a possible 1,500
What we did on our day off: Drove around for 300 miles.
Number of bikers seen: 325,000 and counting


Badlands National Park

This might have been a mistake

We were looking forward to South Dakota. We were looking forward to the seclusion and independence and the room to spread our wings. But then we found that we couldn't get a hotel room in Sioux Falls.

South Dakota has a population of 812,000. But every August, it seems like that population nearly doubles. This is because of the Sturgis Bike Rally. Everyone with a bike goes to Sturgis, SD. In 2008, that meant that 400,000 people go to a town that normally has a population of 6,400. It's supposed to be one of the 1,000 things you do before you die.

Normally, this bike rally occurs on the first week of August. Which was last week. But this year, it's this week.

So much for seclusion and remoteness.

The point is, we're not going to be posting anything for a bit. We have to find somewhere to sleep.

Trip Data

On the Road:76
Film Day: 53
Starting Point: Minneapolis, MN
Ending Point: Sioux Falls, SD
Miles: 440
Via: Albert Lea
Number of stores in the Mall of America:520+
Where Katie finally bought her skirt: Target

Trip Data

On the Road:74, 75
Film Day: 51, 52
Starting Point: Minneapolis, MN
Ending Point: Minneapolis, MN
Miles: 242, 214
Amount of time Katie spent shopping: 6 hours
Amount of stuff Katie bought: 0

Looking for recommendations. We are about to head to TN, WV, and KY. We are looking suggestions of things to do while we're there.

We also need suggestions on how to get there. We are leaving from Rapids City, WY to get to Knoxville, TN.

Should we visit Grandma Simms in Kansas City and the Stuckeys in St. Louis

Should we visit the Morharts in Tulsa, OK and drive through Arkansas

Send us a note to vote.

Discoveries

I've noticed that Katie and I post less when we are in a big city. The reason is simple: we aren't doing much. In fact, we're bored. We like it on the road. We like to explore. We like to make discoveries.

Mississippi Headwaters

The first white man to see the Mouth of the Mississippi was Hernando de Soto in 1541. It nearly took another 300 years before they found the Headwaters of the Mississippi. How did they finally manage to do it? Easy: they asked the indians in the area.


After Duluth, Katie and I made our own expedition to the headwaters of the Mississippi. We found that it starts its journey to the Gulf of Mexico by first going north. We found that the great state of Minnesota saw fit to widen the headwaters to accommodate the number of tourists who visit. We found that the river began its life as the drain to the spring fed Lake Itasca. And we found it to be very crowded.

We also found it to be inviting. After dipping our toes in the cold waters of Lake Superior, we were already in the mood for a swim in Lake Itasca. It was while swimming that I made a very important discovery myself. I remembered that there was a possibility that I left my car keys in my pocket, and I made the discovery that, if this memory was true, that they were no longer in my pocket. They were in effect beginning their 2,300 mile journey to New Orleans.

Good thing that I gave Katie the extra set of car keys. After all, a relationship is about sharing. To bad Katie discovered that she left the extra set of keys inside the locked car. We also discovered that cell reception still remains spotty in some state parks, but you can get wifi.

Kingsington Runestone

This shouldn't be here. Or at least that's what Olaf Ohman thought when he discovered an ancient stone with Nordic carvings cradled by the roots of a tree he was clearing out on his homestead. The experts agreed and said that the Swede immigrant from Douglas County, Minnesota had created an elaborate hoax. The experts continuously and publicly shamed the family for the ruse. Two of Olaf's children would end up committing suicide.



But the stone is real. In 1364, "when you're ancestor's were still swinging from trees", as Katie likes to put it, hers were exploring Minnesota. Now, when Katie wanted to take me to Alexandria, Minnesota to see this stone, I already knew it existed but thought it was a fake. I theorized that a Swedish immigrants brought the stone with them from Sweden or Norway, lost it, and it was rediscovered by Olaf. But the delightful museum showed me the errors of my prejudice thoughts and ignorance (the same prejudice thoughts and ignorance that made experts think the stone was fake). They have since found iron artifacts in Indian sites that could not have been made by indians. They were Norse in nature. These finds spread from North Dakota to Ohio.

To get a perspective of this, you have to keep in mind that the Vikings were building a castle on the exact site of Newport, Rhode Island before England became a country. England became a country in 1066, when it was invaded by William the Conquerer (who invaded from France but was Norse by heritage).

So what is the Runestone. Well, it essentially translates to: "8 Goths and 22 Norweigans on exploration journey from Vinland over the west. We camp by 2 skerries one day-journey from this stone. We were and fished one day. After we came home, 10 men red with blood and tourtured. Hail Virgin Mary, save from evil. Have 10 men by the sea to look after our ship, 14 day -journeys from this island year 1362."

Let me translate that for you: ..... Ahem.... "Holyshit, holyshit, holyshit, we're all going to die."

It's essentially a distress message left for the ten men (or perhaps future Viking expeditions) that basically explained what happened to the Vikings who left the stone. (Apparently the author left his name in code. His name was Ivar). Explorers often do this, including the Roanoke colony and one of the major British expeditions that got trapped in the ice while trying to cross the Great Northern Passage. (Though the Roanoke's distress message was a little less verbose. It simply said "Roanoke").

The museum's introductory film even revealed some anecdotal evidence from Norway that showed records of a boat headed to Vinland (what we call Newfoundland). It's mission was to do exactly what the explorers (some say missionaries) was intended to do. This boat came back about 18 months after the stone was carved and planted. But unfortunately fro Ivar, it only came back with ten men.

So what happened to the Vikings, the first to discover America, those that united Europe under one empire? Well, Christianity slowed them down a lot and ultimately toppled another empire (the first being the Romans of course). They also assimilated really, really well in the lands they invaded. The conquering raiders ultimately became conquered by those they raided. The vikings who invaded Ireland became Irish. Those that invaded Germany became German. Those that lived in North America became Native American. When French fur trappers made it to the region, they were surprised to find blonde hair and blue eyed native americans.

Life Lessons

If you write a novel entitledMain Street about a woman's disgust of the conservative and uncultured lifestyle of the town she was forced to move to, and that was based on the town where you were born in, and this book makes you America's first Noble Prize winner for literature, the town in which you were born will rename it's main street in your honor.

There are such a thing as wild chickens. They live in North Dakota.

When searching for the Northern Lights, don't go when it's cloudy. North Dakota is really, really dark when it's a moonless night.

Don't go swimming at the head of the Mississippi with your car keys in your pocket.

Don't under estimate Vikings. Not the football team (doubt they'll go far without Farvre), but real Vikings.

Katie - ism

Can I spray paint our dog to look like a panda?

Trip Data

On the Road:72, 73
Film Day: 50
Starting Point: Duluth, MN
Ending Point: Minneapolis, MN
Via: Headwaters of Mississippi, Fargo, ND
Miles: 334, 344

Ratio of amount of time driving to and from Fargo versus the amount of time spent working in Fargo: 8hrs 20min to 47min.
Real name of Duluth record store: Electric Fetus
Speed limit in North Dakota: 75
Number of North Dakota vegetarians met: 2
Cost of bottle of wine: 1/2 off
Number of bottles of wine: 4

Katie-ism

"So, if you can't have 'any gods before me', does that mean you're allowed to have gods after him?"
"I don't even know what that means."
"As long as God is your first god, then are you allowed to like Buddha too?"
"Like, Buddha is you're number two?"
"Well, yeah?"

Trip Data

On the Road: 69, 70, 71
Film Day: 49
Starting Point: Minneapolis, MN
Ending Point: Duluth, MN
Via: Interstate State Park
Miles: 52, 173, 262
Microbrews: 8
Number of times crossed WI, MN border: 87 (we canoed down it)
Time Mike forced Katie to listen to Bob Dylan: 2:40 hours (straight)
Type of burger: Wild Rice
Times Mike got shoosed by Katie because he spook during Mad Men: 4


Good bye Great Lakes. You have been good to us.

Life Lessons

Vegetarians aren't interested in visiting museums that are completely dedicated to SPAM

Katie-isms

Here are a number of Katie's thoughts on a variety of topics. All are word for word quotes from the past 24 hours:

On Fashion:
"These shoes are fine. They only hurt when I'm walking."

On Geography:
"Were you boating down the Evansville River?"

On Being a Vegetarian:
"How do I know when the vegetables are done cooking?"

On Maturity:
"I'm tired! I want a juice! Get me out of this car!"

On Health:
"My stomach hurts. I think I have spleen-icitis." (It's like appendicitis, but it's your spleen.)

On the Mall of America:
It's like the day after Thanksgiving without the sales. I can't shop like this.

Trip Data

On the Road: 68
Film Day: 48
Starting Point: Minneapolis, MN
Ending Point: Minneapolis, MN
Miles: 226
Calories burned from being on a bike for 10 miles: 331
Calories gained from a snack size M&M McFlury: 470

Trip Data

On the Road: 66-67
Film Day: 46-47
Starting Point: Minneapolis, MN
Ending Point: Minneapolis, MN
Miles: 177, 153
Number of Peanuts statues seen: 18
Oddest nature thing: Albino squirrel in downtown St. Paul
Where we ate: The diner from the Mighty Ducks and A Prairie Home Companion
Famous Writer's Statue: F. Scott Fitzgerald

Trip Data

On the Road: 64-65
Film Day: 45
Starting Point: Eau Claire
Ending Point: Minneapolis, MN
Miles: 280, 53
Attractions: Minneapolis Institute of Art, Mall of America
It's odd, because we just came from a comedy club and I don't have anything funny to say.
Most dangerous tabloid headline we just read: "Eat Cheese and have better sex tonight".

400: A play in one-act

You probably have never heard of the small town of Elkhorn, Wisconsin. After this story, you will probably forget all about it. Yet, if you ever joined band, either in middle school or high school, this town of Elkhorn has had a small impact on you. That's right, ElkHORN made your tuba. Or trombone. Or French Horn. Or whatever you pretended to play while the kid next you missed all of the notes.

That is, of course, no reason to visit Elkhorn, Wisconsin. Even if you are at the much more popular tourist trap, Lake Geneva (a mere eight miles to the south), you still have little reason to actually stop as you zoom by Elkhorn. But the trusty AAA guidebook does list one attraction, The Webster House Museum.

Joseph Webster was a composer back before the Civil War. He wrote such unforgettable hits as "In the Sweet By and By." I can't count the number of times I've caught myself humming "Lorena" while taking a shower. In addition to Civil War relics, the museum boasts one attraction that really go my imagination flowing.

The Webster House has four hundred birds. That's 800 cold, beady bird eyes starring back at you. Just imagine the conversation that brought in all of these birds into a small house.

"I know what will bring in more people! Birds! I saw a bunch of kids in my neighborhood poking a stick at a dead bird just the other day. They'll love it in the museum."

"How many birds should we get?"

"I think we should go big with this. We should get at least 350."

"We get a bulk rate of dead birds if we get 400."

"Oh yeah, that's great! Does that include the Carolina Chickadee?"

"Of course."

"Great."

"If we rip out the maintenance closet, we can have 500 dead birds."

"500!? Seriously, Dave? There is no reason to be grotesque."

"Yeah, David. 500 dead birds is just morbid."

"Apologies. Out of curouisity, does anyone know what 400 dead birds has to do with Joseph Webster or the Civil War?"

"What is it Dave? You don't think they had birds during the Civil War?"

"Well, yeah, but..."

"You're such an idiot Dave."

"Birds make music. Joseph Webster makes music. I don't see what more connection we need."

"It's just that..."

"Shut up Dave. You're such an idiot."

(This has been a one-act play by Michael E. Simms).

(p.s. we did not see the dead birds.)

Trip Data

On the Road: 63
Film Day: 44
Starting Point: Wausau, WI
Ending Point: Eau Claire
Miles: 324
Microbrews tried: 7
Amount of time Katie spent shopping at the Leinenkugel's gift shop: 52 minutes
Amount of money Katie spent at the Leinenkugel's gift shop: $0.00
First thing Katie did after leaving the Leinenkugel gift shop: bought a twelve pack of Leinenkugel. It was a good night.

Excellence Rewarded

We never thought we would have to ask a waiter where downtown was. Least of all did we expect that waiter to tell us we were downtown. And especially to have this conversation in a town with a NFL team. It is the home of the Packers and we didn't even know we were in downtown Green Bay.

Here is a bit of perspective. Green Bay is in northern Wisconsin and has a population of 102,000 (give or take). That is to say that the entire city of Green Bay can fit inside the Cowboy Stadium and still have room for a marching band. Las Vegas, NV doesn't have any major sports team, and it has a metro population of 1.8 million.

When we asked the waiter if he knew of a town of around the same size, he answered the region centered around Wausau, WI. Wausau literally means "far away land". The waiter was basically saying "Green Bay is the size of the town in a land far, far away."

And the waiter was wrong. Green Bay is smaller.

Why does such a small town have a NFL football team? Well, the fact that it's the oldest team using the same name helps. The fact that it's a non-profit, public traded company is probably the real reason. There hasn't been a single owner to say he wanted to move. But I think Green Bay's nickname may have something to do with it, for Green Bay is Titletown. After all, the NFL can't ask you to move when they named America's most famous trophy after your favorite coach.

Though Katie's Steelers do have the most Superbowl victories, but Green Bay actually has the most championships (12 in all). When the AFL and NFL merged, and football increased by adding 8 much larger markets, the NFL couldn't ask Green Bay to leave. They were national champions, and they had been for the past four years. It is the only team to have won three consecutive titles. They did this twice (once with founder/coach Lambeau and once with Lombardi.)



Not that Katie and I should know any of this. We got kicked out of Lambeau Field.

It's just nice to see excellence rewarded. I thought this was a good theme to announce that our excellence by our own boss. We were told that they have expanded our region to include Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota. And, we just learned, because of our past and quality, we will also be working in Kentucky and Tennessee.

Excellence rewarded. It's a good thing.

Katie-ism

Katie: "Now, I have a ridiculous question. (pause as she tries to figure out how to word it)
What's a badger?"
(Mike laughing so loud the rest of the bar stairs at him)
Mike: "You know what? You have to ask someone from Wisconsin. I want you to ask him."
(Mike laughs silently to himself during a brief conversation).

Next day:

Katie: "I want you to know that it wasn't a sober question?"
Mike: "I don't understand."
Katie: "I wasn't sober enough not to ask that. Like, if I was sober, I wouldn't have asked a bunch of Wisconsin people what a badger is"
Mike: "Do you know what a badger is?"
Katie: "No!!!"

Lessons Learned

Just because you call "Punch Bug Green" first, doesn't mean you won't get hit.

You can cream a hard boiled egg. You still shouldn't, but it's nice to know that you can.

Trip Data

On the Road: 59-62
Film Day: 43
Starting Point: Madison
Ending Point: Wausau, WI
Via: Devil's Lake, Green Bay, Door County, Sturgeon Bay
Miles: 196, 325, 244, 98, 187
Microbrews tried: 39
Microbrews offered at one bar: 160
Microbrews tried during one night at that bar: 49
Storied Football Fields we were kicked out of: Lambeau Field
Number of miles Katie mountain biked: 0.9
Number of miles Katie then biked in under an hour: 10

Random Surprises

It started in Racine, Wisconsin. After Katie had identified about 29 beautiful houses in which to live, we had decided to get out of the car and walk through the charming town. It was there that we met the man in the kilt. We had found the town quaint and sweet and homey. But I think he was surprised by that. Racine, he told us, was built by people like his great-grandfather who came from England to work at the local steel mill. (Katie wants you to know it's mostly a Danish town). But unlike Gary or Michigan City, the steel mill was north of town, so when it started to shed workers and tighten its financial contributions to the city, the city was able to diversify into a resort area. It was the man in the kilt who told us where to get our Kringle, a large Danish pastry that takes 3 and a half days to make. (At the end of any of those three days, it's really just a Danish in Mike's opinion). The final surprise about Racine was the bartenders in Milwaukee who laughed at our praise for it. Apparently, Racine is "the armpit of Wisconsin". He cited the current 9.9% unemployment as proof. (We didn't mention Detroit's 20.5% or Troy, Michigan's 13.6%.)

The surprises continued when we went to a microbrew in Milwaukee. This is, after all, America's beer captial. We were expecting a good brew and a competent waiter. We got neither. So, Katie did the "I have fresh blisters while wearing high-heels" shuffled back down the block to the Safe-House. This spy themed restaurant was amazing. It's the kind of place that you enter through the backdoor, have to give a password to enter, enter through a secret door disguised by a library shelf, and filled with mementoes of the cold-war days. With their speciality drinks, a men's room that opened to a brick door, the world's largest mechanical puzzle, we had to close this bar down. That's when we got the added treat of hanging out with the staff, who were equally fantastic.



The surprises continued the following day. First, Mike found out that Wisconsin has worse drivers than Michigan. Second, we found that Wisconsin-ites really like their vanity plates (Jebus has been our favorite thus far). And third, we went to the East-End to America's 7th best movie theater. We watched Cyrus with six, five foot tall Buddha statues overlooking us. Just a pleasant surprise. In fact, we were more interested in the theater than we were in the movie.

Yet the biggest surprise may have been this. If you were planning to witness one of Joan of Arc's miracles, then you may want to cancel your cross Atlantic trip to Paris and book your tickets to Milwaukee instead. At the center of Marquette University is a small church, imported from Lyon, France. Inside, is a stone that Joan of Arc had kneeled down and prayed. After kissing the stone, the slab of rock became colder than the others around it. Today, that rock is in this small, French chapel in Wisconsin. The stone is still colder than the others around it, though, today, they use is as a shelf.

Lessons Learned

Never under-estimate Katie's hatred of trolls.

Trip Data

On the Road: 58
Film Day: 40
Starting Point: Madison
Ending Point: Madison, WI
Miles: 47
Microbrews tried: 2
Mike's bowling score: 262*
Number of Germans Mike insulted with his remaining knowledge of the language: 4
I want you guys to really consider how much you drive on any given day. We drove nearly fifty miles today, even though we didn't do any work. It would take Katie and I a little less than 4 days to hike that in the woods. But we drove fifty miles during the course of our day. We walked a few miles on Madison's eclectic State street and even took a nap at the hotel and still found time to drive that many miles. Do you know what's fifty miles from downtown Detroit? Port Huron, Michigan. Bloomington, IN is 50 miles from downtown Indy. 50 miles is third of Indiana's width. Crazy.


*Combined total after three games.

Trip Data

On the Road: 57
Film Day: 40
Starting Point: Madison
Ending Point: Madison, WI
Miles: 74
Microbrews tried: 6
Cost of beer-milkshake: $9 ea.
Number of mac n cheese Mike ordered: 2
Percent of vegetarian options Katie had at lunch and dinner: 35%
How much meat Mike had today: 0%

Lessons Learned

The "Stop Children Crossing" sign on the ice cream truck should really have a comma.

Trip Data

On the Road: 56
Film Day: 39
Starting Point: Waukesha, WI
Ending Point: Madison, WI
Miles: 275
Via: Lake Geneva
Number of hours since in Wisconsin it took before we saw a cow: 39
Number of Vatican approved miracles witnessed: 1

Oddest thing to get from a future mother-in-law: Picture of two kangaroos having sex with the caption "Doing it at the zoo."

Lessons Learned

Don't ask a jewish kid for directions to monuments of catholic saints.

Bad Bet

Back when Katie and I were on Michigan's East coast (the lake, not the state. It was the state's west coast), we took a sand dune buggy tour in Saugatauk. It was supposed to be like a roller coaster ride, with an all-terrain vehicle speeding down the two hundred feet dunes, complete with sharp twists and turns. It was that...kind of. But because the guides didn't want to admit that the trip was short, they made a lot of stops to tell bad jokes and semi interesting factoids. (The real sand dune rides are near Silver Lake). I was reminded of one of their stories recently.

It was the story of Singapore, Michigan. Singapore was founded in 1836 at the mouth of the Kalamazoo River. It had the potential to be the largest city on Lake Michigan's East coast (the state's west coast). It was in a beautiful region, filled with woods, beaches, a nice harbor, and a river that connected it with Battle Creek and other cities in the interior of the state. The city even had a history. It survived a forty day blizzard in 1842. That essentially means that it snowed strait for nearly half of winter. The city didn't starve because the provisions from the ship wrecked Milwaukee saved them.

But Singapore became a ghost town. In 1871, the great Chicago fire blazed, whipping out 4 square miles and hundreds of lives. It must have been particularly dry that year, because Holland, Peshtigo, and Manistee also suffered from fires that year. (Large scale fires were a lot more common in the past). These cities, particularly Chicago, needed to rebuild. And though they did learn lessons, they needed lumber to do it. Singapore, Michigan was surrounded by lumber and it was easy to ship to to where it was needed across the lake.

So Singapore, Michigan started cutting. Some sand started appearing on their cobble stoned streets, but that could be easily swept away before they started sawing away that morning. Then the sand stated to appearing on their doorsteps. Sure the shoveling was annoying, but so was shoveling snow in the winter, so what's the difference? It just meant waking up earlier before starting a day of chopping down trees. The the sand started to move inside. The sand started to rush inside. It was over carpet, area rugs, furniture faster than it could be shoveled out. The trees that froze the sand dunes in place for thousands of years were shipped to Chicago, and now the sand dunes awoke and were on the move.

The people of Singapore literally dug their own grave. Within four years, it was a ghost town. Their three story hotel's roof hasn't been seen for over 60 years. Saugatauk, meanwhile, became a great tourist city, complete with a microbrew that has a brew-on-premise.

The Federal Government finally did come around to try to remedy the situation...30 years later. They started planting a special grass in the dunes, the only kind that is able to grow in the dunes. They had to do it by hand, but the grueling work was worth it. The dunes have started to slow down (many were moving up to 50 ft per year, eating up the state). New environmental studies show that the land is returning to it's pre-1871 environs. That process should be completed in 1,200 years.

I meant to write this story along with another story about Michigan City, Indiana. But I have written too much already as it is, so let's just put this down as a to-be-continued.

Relationships are about compromise

This is a king size bed.
The red is Katie's area
The blue is Mike's.

Also note the pillow count.

Trip Data

On the Road: 55
Film Day: 38
Starting Point: Waukesha, WI
Ending Point: Waukesha, WI
Miles: 168
Number of cows seen: 0
Number of Budha's who watched a movie with us: 6
Ranking of the movie theater we went to: top ten best in the country
Number of off duty cops mike cut off: 1
Number of vanity plates seen: 359

Trip Data

On the Road: 54
Film Day: 37
Starting Point: Gurnee, IL
Ending Point: Waukesha, WI
Via: Racine
Miles: 194
Microbrews: 10
Number of days it took to cook our Kringle: 3.5
Pain level of katie walking in high heels for the first time in a month (1-10): 17
Number of places we aren't allowed to talk about: 1

Lesson's Learned

Thinking of adding a new series. These are quick little life lessons that Mike has inferred during his trails:

1. Wheat can and does grow in the wild.
2. A man in a kilt may give you free bacon with each pint you order
3. Telling a bartender from Milwaukee that their beer sucks will get you thrown out of the bar.
4. The "arm pit of Wisconsin" is nicer than Michigan's beauty mark. (Katie disagrees)

Officially Done

With Michigan, Indiana, and Illinois.

Katie-isms

"Hello Dead people! I hope you're having fun! (long pause) rotting."

When I'm dead, plant a soy bean bush on top of me.

Wasn't Hooters founded in Indiana? oh, wait, that was Hoosiers.

"Onions! Yum! I bet his bed smells delicious. And by bed, I mean the bed of his tractor and not the bed he sleeps in."

Trip Data

On the Road: 52-53
Film Day: 35 - 36
Starting Point: Forest Park, IL
Ending Point: Gurnee, IL
Via: Chicago, Gary, Indiana Dunes National Lake Shore
Miles: 143, 363
Number of parking spots available at Indiana Dunes: 1,124
Number of parking spots open for Mike to park in at Indiana Dunes: 0
Number of minutes we left the rain fly off the tent after the rain start: 47min.
Number of times Katie sang: "Gary, Indiana; Gary, Indiana from the Music Man": 17
Number of feet Mt. Baldy sand dune moves south each year: 20ft.

Blog Ideas

We're looking for blog ideas for anyone who has them.

Today, Sunday the 11th, we're heading to Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore. We're working in Gary and then heading to Milwaukee. Anyone with great Wisconsin trip ideas is also encouraged to provide suggestions. Just send a message to us via facebook or something.

Trip Data

On the Road: 50 - 51
Film Day: 34 - 35
Starting Point: Forest Park, IL
Ending Point: Forest Park, IL
Via: Chicago
Miles: 168, 66
Number of hours stuck on the Kennedy I-90: 4.3
Average speed of each car on the Kennedy: 29mph

Katie-ism

If I was a lawyer, I would have my office in a closed Taco Bell...That's a lie. I would have my offices in an open Taco Bell.

The odd thing about Harry Potter is that they don't every talk about the bathrooms.

Katie - ism

"I can't think of the word"
"You mean, 'example'"
"Yeah, sorry, I was having a Sarah Palin moment."

Trip Data

Okay, we have some days to cover.

On the Road: 42 - 49
Film Day: 30 - 33
Starting Point: Forest Park, IL
Ending Point: Forest Park, IL
Via: Detroit, Munsing, MI, Grand Isle, Bayfield, Canada. Also, some places in Chicago.
Miles: 620, 402, 12, 198, 221, 441, 302, 201
Number of times we almost died: 7
Awesome beach restaurant in St. Joseph: The Stray Dog
Number of minutes it took to take Mike to drive the same amount of miles he backpacked: 27 minutes.
How long it took for katie to get sunburned while swimming in lake Huron: 19 minutes
Number of stable flies (which are immune to bug spray) on mike's backpack: 2.3 lbs. worth
Mike's mantra while crossing the Mackinac Bridge: "ohgodidon'twanttodie, ohgodidon'twanttodi, ohshitidon'twanttodi" (it was at the midway point of the Big Mac that Mike was a polytheist, believing in God and, well, poo.)

Bit of good news: We learned that they have expanded our job to include Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota. In addition to video taping for our gps work, they are asking for video evidence that people actually live in Fargo.

Why We Drink

The year I was born, there was zero microbrews in America. Zero. None, Nada. Drinkers had the choice between Bud, Miller, Coors, etc. and that was it. Why? Because microbrews were illegal. In a land of freedom, where was the choice?

Microbrews may have been illegal but home-brewing was not. If you wanted a Belgium Wheat beer (like Oberon), you brew it yourself. These homebrewers would later become America's microbrewers. In 1981 there were zero. Today, there are more than 1,500.

I was pondering this while helping bottle some homebrew that Dan Jensen's friend had brewed. Since the new batch wouldn't be ready for the holiday, Dan recommended getting a small keg. But his friend had a simple point, "when it comes to beer, I appreciate the variety."

And that's what drinking microbrews is about, quality and variety.

Often, there is the analogy to wine. Think about it. We all have three buck chuck at home. It's good. There are times when we can serve it to guests. But you wouldn't order it at a restaurant. You wouldn't find it at a restaurant. Why? Well, Chuck won't sell it to the restaurant. But the restaurant also wants to make sure it provides quality wine with its quality food. The same is true for microbrew. You can enjoy Bud at home. But when you're out, you want quality. You want something that brings out the dish. You want taste.

Let me give you a perfect example. Founder's Brewery in Grand Rapids won four medals at the Great American Brew Fest this year. Ratebeer.com ranks Founder's as the 4th best brewery in the world. And by "world", that's including Guam. Here's the thing, I generally don't like Founders. Their famous IPAs are too hoppy for me. But after talking to the waiter, he said that the Canadian Breakfast Stout would be perfect for me. And it was. This is a beer that has coffee and maple syrup flavors, aged in a oak barrel. It was simply perfect. No wonder beeradvocate.com rates it as among the top ten beers in the world (again, including Guam). So good, I went to the head brewer and shook his hand.

There are people who spend their vacation at Napa Valley or in Northern Michigan to do wine tours. This is partly why Katie and I picked microbrews as the theme of our GPS trip. We're microbrew people. (And Founder's is worth a day trip).

When I called Katie and asked her if she wanted to hang out, I recommended my neighborhood bar. She was exited, saying, "I love trying new places." It was this kind of obvious joy of exploration that attracted me to her. And so, we had a microbrew on our "first" date.

I'm writing this article now because after Michigan, Indiana and Illinois have been less good to us. Sure, there is Goose Island and Upland Brewery, but we simply haven't had the variety that we had in Michigan. And variety is what it's all about.

(For those who are curious why the South is lacking in microbrews...well, according to Katie's cousin, the cliche about the Southern moonshiner is actually grounded on some fact.)

Katie-ism

On eating sea urchin 

"Their spikes scare me. Plus, they have gonads."

Trip Data

On the Road: 41

Film Day: 29

Starting Point: Forest Park, IL

Ending Point: Forest Park, IL

Miles: 177

Microbrews: 1 

Nothing of note today. 

Trip Data

On the Road: 40

Film Day: 28

Starting Point: Forest Park, IL

Ending Point: Forest Park, IL

Via: O'Hare

Miles: 216

Number of Miles it took to film one intersection: 182

Microbrew Tried: 312

(See what I did there? Instead of the number of microbrews, I wrote down the name of the microbrew. The name of the microbrew is a number...so you might have thought we drank a lot of beer, when in fact, we didn't. I mean, really, who could drink that much beer? How humorous. I'm a comic genius.)

Number of times we passed an FTA security official with a camera in the car, looking like we were video taping the entrance and exit points at O'Hare airport: 7

Number of times we were stopped or questioned about such suspicious activity: 0

Number of times Mike said "We're all going to die" due to Chicago drivers: 14

 

Trip Data

Again, apologize for the delay in posting. We have been camping and spending a lot of time working. More interesting posts will be written shortly, but in the meantime, here is this:

On the Road: 40

Film Day: 28

Starting Point: Starved Rock, IL

Ending Point: Forest Park, IL

Via: Joliet, IL

Miles: 234

Microbrews tried: 1 (Starved Rock Ale)

Miles hiked on foot: 3

Number of overlooks covered by trees: 4

Number of stairs climbed: 448

Little known fact: Joliet, IL was actually named after Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, but had to changed to Joliet due to a clerical error that thought the Juliet was a typo. The clerk believed the name should have been Joliet, after French missionary Louis Joliet. 

Special thanks to Chris and Jack Simms for hosting this week. The Spinach deep dish pizza was very good. We both hope that your head cold gets better very soon. 

On the Road: 39

Film Day: 27

Starting Point: Wheaton, IL

Ending Point: Starved Rock, IL

Miles: 72

Microbrews tried: 2

Number of miles on horseback: 3

Number of clouds blocking the sunset: 8

Mexican combo number Michael ordered for dinner: 4

On the Road: 38

Film Day: 27

Starting Point: Bolingbrook, IL

Ending Point: Wheaton, IL

Via: Downers Grove

Miles: 261

Microbrews Tried: 0

Homebrews Tried: 2

Bottles of wine Katie drunk by herself: 1.4

Special thanks to Dan and Rachel Jensen for hosting us. Their home cooked meals and gracious hosting brought a much needed reminder of normalcy. Spending time with their friends was a great way to spend a Saturday night. 

Trip Data

On the Road: 37

Film Day: 26

Starting Point: Schaumburg, IL

Ending Point: Bolingbrook, IL

Via: Aurora, Downers Grove, Rolling Meadows

Miles: 219

Number of Microbrews: 4

Mike's big mistake: Giving Katie free reign at an outlet mall.

Number of Sunglass Huts at said outlet mall: 3

Favorite Awkward moment: Hearing our hotel neighbors have "relations"

Off the Road

Our job is great. We are enjoying nearly everywhere our job has taken us. But I knew that we would need something extra even before the trip began. We needed a theme to unite our trip. We asked a few people for suggestions. Local food was a popular one. Baseball stadiums, major and minor league, would have sounded perfect if we liked baseball. Ultimately, we selected microbrews (more on that in a later blog). 

One suggestion didn't sound quite right from the beginning. It was the idea that we challenge the notion that you can't see anything from the interstate. That the best road tours are on the back-roads. But we know that notion is right. Other than a few major manufacturing factories (today, we saw where my Jeep Compass was born), there isn't anything on the interstate, and especially a tollway, to see. 

Take yesterday. We had to work on interstate 88, going back and forth between Dekalb and Dixon. Even though this is an ancient road, the modern version of the Sauk Trail, there was very little to see. We saw a nuclear power plant way off in the distance, and a large wind farm. 

After the video tapping was done, and we were driving to our next shot, we decided to follow the Rock River on Illinois 2. It was on this highway that we saw the bar that boasted the "Annual Turkey Testicle Festival". It was on this highway that John Deere made his famous plow demonstration that launched an empire and "broke the plains". 

It was also on this highway that we found a piece of the Black Hawk trail. Katie and I were just talking about the Chicago hockey team when she asked why they still had a racist mascot. The reason was because Black Hawk was a real person, and northern Illinois and southern Wisconsin take the war named after him seriously. 

The Black Hawk War only lasted a couple of months (if that). Basically, Blawk Hawk sneaked back into Illinois, after being kicked out through a treaty. When he sent a peace envoy to negotiate his return to Iowa, the US regiment killed the envoy. So, Blawk Hawk killed the US regiment. The rest of the war involved Black Hawk's crew being chased around Wisconsin. 

But as I say, northern Illinois take this seriously, and it really appears that they appreciate Black Hawk's bravery. Unlike their volunteer militia ancestors, they actually like Black Hawk. Honestly, it looks like they feel guilty about the whole thing. So guilty, that we ran across several statues honoring Black Hawk, each with no idea what Black Hawk actually looked like. This included turning the corner of highway 2, looking across the Rock River, and seeing a 48 feet tall statue of Black Hawk.* 

Started to be carved in 1908, Lorado Taft created it simply because he enjoyed the view on the bluff that the statue now stands. Yes, you'll get some interpretation that he is honoring the Sauk and Fox tribes from those areas, but Taft, or anyone for that matter, had no idea was Black Hawk looked liked.  The truth is that Taft often came to that spot to think with folded arms...just like the statue.

Still, it's not something you would ever see from a Illinois toll road.  

*This doesn't break the old record of tallest statue Katie and I shared, held by the Shrine to the Snowshoe Priest. That was a 60 feet tall depiction of Baraga, in the UP, which include 28 feet tall snowshoes. 

Trip Data

On the Road: 36

Film Day: 25

Starting Point: Rockford, IL

Ending Point: Schaumburg, IL

Via: Beloit, WI

Miles: 269

Number of hangers used to hang our tent across the hotel room to dry out: 6

Presidential Precedent

Ten years old can be an impressional age. Imagine the impression made when you learn that the city that your family just moved to had a historical presidential connection. In Dixon, IL, a young Abraham Lincoln had arrived to fight in the Black Hawk War in 1832. Though young, was voted to be a Captain for his group of volunteers. 

The volunteers were there to chase out Black Hawk and his group of Sauk Indians. The official version is that we don't know why this small band of Sauk came back to Illinois after living for a few years on their reservation in Iowa. That's the official version. The reality was that they were starving and wanted to return home to start farming lands they knew would produce food, because they had farmed there for a generations before. When a peace negotiator from Black Hawk's group met with a US regiment, the regiment killed him. This didn't sit well with Black Hawk, who nearly whipped out the US regiment, the survivors fleeing to Dixon.

So, what kind of action did Captain Lincoln see in the Black Hawk War? None. By the time that Lincoln showed up, Black Hawk's warrior were being chased across Wisconsin. (Victory, Wisconsin is named after the last battle against Black Hawk's group, an unnecessary battle as his group was already in the process of crossing the Mississippi back to his reservation in Iowa.) 

Then why would this ten year old boy be hearing about A. Lincoln's brief visit to Dixon? The reason is odd. It was because, in Dixon, Lincoln met Zachary Taylor, who would become the 12th President of the United States.  Lincoln also met Jefferson Davis, who would become the first President of the Confederate States of America. 

At the time, Davis was 24. Lincoln was 23. It may not be likely that Davis remembers meeting Lincoln then. Though similar in age, Davis was a West Point graduate with a higher position in the military. Lincoln was just a volunteer in the militia. One wonders if Lincoln ever tried to relive this encounter when he heard that Davis was taking the lead of the successionist South. 

But this odd encounter, in addition to being the home of John Deere, puts Dixon on an odd historical map. It's a story that they appear to be proud of, erecting a statue of a twenty-three year old Lincoln next to the Rock River, and a log cabin at the spot where John Dixon's Tavern started the small city. This statue is the Lincoln Monument State Memorial. There isn't a statue of Taylor or Davis. 

It's a story that you share with students with pride. It's a story that our ten year old would have heard and may have been inspired by. Though he only lived for a few years, Dixon prides itself as the Boyhood Home of President Ronald Reagan. 

Why we drink

The year I was born, there was zero microbrews in America. Zero. None, Nada. Drinkers had the choice between Bud, Miller, Coors, etc. and that was it. Why? Because microbrews were illegal. In a land of freedom, where was the choice?

Microbrews may have been illegal but home-brewing was not. If you wanted a Belgium Wheat beer (like Oberon), you brew it yourself. These homebrewers would later become America's microbrewers. In 1981 there were zero. Today, there are more than 1,500. 

I was pondering this while helping bottle some homebrew that Dan Jensen's friend had brewed. Since the new batch wouldn't be ready for the holiday, Dan recommended getting a small keg. But his friend had a simple point, "when it comes to beer, I appreciate the variety."

And that's what drinking microbrews is about, quality and variety. 

Often, there is the analogy to wine. Think about it. We all have three buck chuck at home. It's good. There are times when we can serve it to guests. But you wouldn't order it at a restaurant. You wouldn't find it at a restaurant. Why? Well, Chuck won't sell it to the restaurant. But the restaurant also wants to make sure it provides quality wine with its quality food. The same is true for microbrew. You can enjoy Bud at home. But when you're out, you want quality. You want something that brings out the dish. You want taste. 

Let me give you a perfect example. Founder's Brewery in Grand Rapids won four medals at the Great American Brew Fest this year. Ratebeer.com ranks Founder's as the 4th best brewery in the world. And by "world", that's including Guam. Here's the thing, I generally don't like Founders. Their famous IPAs are too hoppy for me. But after talking to the waiter, he said that the Canadian Breakfast Stout would be perfect for me. And it was. This is a beer that has coffee and maple syrup flavors, aged in a oak barrel. It was simply perfect. No wonder beeradvocate.com rates it as among the top ten beers in the world (again, including Guam). So good, I went to the head brewer and shook his hand. 

There are people who spend their vacation at Napa Valley or in Northern Michigan to do wine tours. This is partly why Katie and I picked microbrews as the theme of our GPS trip. We're microbrew people. (And Founder's is worth a day trip). 

When I called Katie and asked her if she wanted to hang out, I recommended my neighborhood bar. She was exited, saying, "I love trying new places." It was this kind of obvious joy of exploration that attracted me to her. And so, we had a microbrew on our "first" date. 

I'm writing this article now because after Michigan, Indiana and Illinois have been less good to us. Sure, there is Goose Island and Upland Brewery, but we simply haven't had the variety that we had in Michigan. And variety is what it's all about. 

(For those who are curious why the South is lacking in microbrews...well, according to Katie's cousin, the cliche about the Southern moonshiner is actually grounded on some fact.)

Katie -ism

To the bookstore clerk:

"Is there a reason you keep the Sarah Palin next to the Playboys?"

Local Waitress quote:

"I don't eat anything unless it's smothered in cheese." 

Trip Data

On the Road: 35

Film Day: 24

Starting Point: Starved Lake, IL

Ending Point: Rockford, IL

Via: Dekalb, Dixon

Miles: 276

Microbrews Tried: 3

Inches of water outside of our tent this morning: 2

Number of statues seen: 6

Funniest Festival: "Annual Turkey Testicle Festival" in Bryon, IL

Dessert: Stout Float

On the Road: 34

Film Day: 23

Starting Point: Peoria, IL

Ending Point: Starved Lake, IL

Miles: 335

Another Mike Rant

Dear Indianapolis,

Who the hell do you think you are? Yes, you are a city of 800,000 (14th largest in US), but don't let that all get to your head. Yes you just hosted the Final Four. Yes, your own university was a mere inch and a half away from winning that game. Yes, you will host the games of games, the Superbowl in 2012. Yes, the Colts have a very good chance of winning that game. 

But, you didn't need a new airport.

I-70 does not need 14 lanes. No one from Indianapolis wants to go to St. Louis that bad. Nobody from anywhere wants to go to St. Louis that bad. 

Also, the Ronald Reagan Parkway connects the Middle Of, IN with Nowhere, IN, and does not need 8 lanes of it's own. 

And stop entrenching and encouraging the urban sprawl. Indianapolis, you have a great downtown. A wonderful downtown. A fun downtown. Concentrate on that and don't create a reverse donut city, with everything happening on the outside and at the dead center and not in the middle. Detroit went that direction, and now look at it. 

The point is, you may think you are a great city Indianapolis, building for the future. Just don't get too far ahead of yourself. You are, after all, still in Indiana. 

Katie-ism

Katie: 

"Oh my gosh, they have deer! They had lots of deer. Lots of baby deers. Do they eat deer in Illinois? Are we in the South? Why would they have baby deer? They probably were goats. Lots of goats. The goats looked like deer. Those goats were cute."

(Mike is silently laughing to himself)

Worst Drivers

We drive. That's what we do. All day long. So, it's almost inevitable that people would ask who we thought the worse drivers were. Of the major cities, we have Detroit, Indianapolis, Chicago, and Milwaukee. Well, it may be a little premature, but I think that have an solid opinion on the matter. 

Here's the thing: everyone claims the "don't like the weather, wait five minutes" joke and everyone thinks their areas has the craziest drivers. But few actually go to other locations to check to see if it's true. Here is out diagnosis:

Indianapolis isn't that bad. No surprise there.

Chicago also isn't bad. There are just a few rules with Chicago. 1. If there is an interstate, there must be a minimum of two lanes that are closed for construction. When possible, these lanes must be closed 17 miles prior to the actual construction. 2. Cops have the right to do anything they want, including rear-ending my friends (happened last night). Now, running a red seems fairly standard, and driving on pedestrian paths appear like it may be a part of the job. I'm talking about turning on the siren to turn right from the left hand turn lane (3 lanes away) and then turn the siren off. These guys wake up and ask themselves, what can the siren allow me to get away with today. 3. When on an interstate, you must travel as fast as possible, because you will not get another opportunity to go above thirty-five in the city. 

But the worst is Detroit/Michigan. Here's how i know. You know when you take an on-ramp on an interstate. Well, in the state of Michigan, about fifty feet that you are supposed to merge left with the rest of traffic, there is a No Left Turn sign. Not just on the city interstates, on all Michigan interstate on-ramps. I know of no other state that does this.

Just think about this for a second. This means that at some point there was a Michigan legislator said that "there are too many of my constituents making hard left turns on our on-ramps. We need a sign, about the size of a piece of paper, that says you can't do that. That'll stop all of these accidents." And it wasn't just this one legislator. The majority of them agreed that, yes, too many of their voting base have had accidents because they made hard left turns into on coming traffic because they thought they could get to a west bound highway from the on ramp to the east bound highway. 

That state, and Detroit in particular, has the worst drivers.

Katie, being completely biased, disagrees. 

(Please note that Indianapolis, who may also experience this problem, has installed concrete walls to prevent those entering 465 from merging with traffic too quickly). 

Trip Data

On the Road: 33

Film Day: 22

Starting Point: Champaign, IL

Ending Point: Peoria, IL

Miles: 318

Via: Bloomington, IL

Number of cops we saw outside of Illinois University: 13

On the Road: 32

Film Day: 21

Starting Point: Chicago, IL

Ending Point: Champaign, IL

Miles: 147

What did we do this day: laundry

What else we did: 

On the Road: 31

Film Day: 21

Starting Point: Indianapolis, IN

Ending Point: Chicago, IL

Miles: 257

Why: Eagles Concert for Katie's Birthday

Opening Acts: Keith Urban and Dixie Chicks

Number of songs from Joe Walsh solo career: about a fourth

On the Road: 30

Film Day: 21

Starting Point: Bloomington, IN

Ending Point: Indianapolis, IN

Miles: 281

Special Night with Ben, Megan, and Jen

On the Road: 29

Film Day: 20

Starting Point: Indianapolis, IN

Ending Point: Bloomington, IN

Miles: 326

Bars visits: 3

Drinks enjoyed: 384 (each)

It was a special night seeing Jeni, Bryan, Katie, Michael, and Mark.

Trip Data

On the Road: 28

Film Day: 19

Starting Point: Fort Wayne, IN

Ending Point: Indianapolis, IN

Miles: 402

Number of Jokes thought of: 0

Number of single digit numbers I can type from this laptop: 10

Number of the ABC station in our hotel: 2

To our Bloomington friends: We will be at the Irish Lion for Blarney Puff Balls tomorrow around 6:30 (or later) to sign autographs. 

Jokes that Backfire

Lansing shouldn't be here. When they were picking a more centralized state capital, Michigan politicians, being Michigan politicians, couldn't decide what to do. Because no one could come up with a better solution, Lansing was picked amid laughter. 

What was so funny? In 1847, Lansing then consisted of one log cabin and a saw mill. When they built the first capitol building*, they first had to build roads from Jackson to get to the new location. This whole episode was referred by the official state historical marker as the "joke that backfired." And it did backfire. The legislators that laughed when making their vote ended up sleeping on the floor of the capitol building for the first few years. 

Meanwhile, the former capital of Detroit had been a city for more than 146 years by that point.** 

Anyway, you could imagine our excitement when we went to Lansing, with so little to do. But, upon doing some research, Mike found Gizzard City, USA just a little south of Lansing. Featured on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, the real city (known by Lansing tax officials as Potterville) had a dive bar from called Gizzard City. The city has since taken on the nickname as well. In fact, we missed the Gizzard City festival, where they tried to get the Guiness Book of World's Record for the largest Chicken Dance. 

This dive bar was home of a deep fried gizzard. While Guy Fieri was there, he noticed that Gizzard City had a deep fried hamburger. At the time, it was just the burger patty that was battered and fried. Guy, being a smart ass, decided to deep fry an entire cheeseburger. The joke backfired, because that's now a part of Gizzard City's menu. 

Finding all of this out, and then learning that they brew their own beer, the cock a doodle brew, I had to go. After all, being a big Jimmy Stewart fan, I had to find out what he was fighting against in It's a Wonderful Life. 

So, I took my vegetarian girlfriend to Gizzard City. I had the deep fried cheeseburger, an order of gizzards, and their custom brew. Katie had the grilled cheese (which wasn't even on the menu). 

I went mostly as a joke. But the joke backfired. Marrying two great things, like a cheeseburger and deep fry is not necessarily a good marriage. And I couldn't finish the gizzards. So, I got a to go box. This resulted in Katie screaming and hitting me for the next two hours because the car smelled like gizzards and pickles. And Katie can hit...like, to the point where I was swerving on an interstate. Alas, the nationally televised gizzards had to go. 

 

*Lansing didn't even have a name. They legislators couldn't decide whether or not to call it Michigamme or Michigan. But they were Michigan legislators, so a decision wasn't ever made and Lansing stayed Lansing. That's right, the state capitol building could have had the address, 1 Michigan Ave, Michigan, Michigan, 48933. 

Another side note to Michigan....you have too many lakes when you decided to name one "Lake Interstate"

**An Aside rant that can be ignored. America has a pension for putting our state capitals in the center of our states, even though our national capital is on the east coast. Lansing is not an isolated story. I have since learned that Indianapolis was a swamp when named the capital. But think about it, there is Columbus, OH, Jefferson City, MO, and, thanks largely to A. Lincoln, Springfield, IL. For being an empire, most of our history was based in the belief in the small republic, in the people being active in their state politics, and legislators available to their constituents. After suffering through the privatized toll road that Mitch Daniels, the Governor of Indiana sold to a private company that would be more cost efficient but without reducing the customer service, I've come to the conclusion that more of us should be more active in our smaller republics.

Trip Data

On the Road: 27

Film Day: 18

Starting Point: South Bend, IN

Ending Point: Fort Wayne, IN

Via:  Fremont, IN

Miles: 401

Number of Time Zones: 2

Number of States Visited: 3

Number of Times we Crossed State Lines: 13

Estimated wait to get through one of Mitch Daniel's privatized toll booth: 17 minutes. 

Spot in a Kings size bed that Katie forces Mike to: The very edge. 

Question for Katie: When kissing me under the lamp post a year ago, did you think that it would end up with you being homeless, in Fort Wayne, sleeping next to a strip joint? 

Catch Up

After celebrating a 21st birthday and a wedding, Katie and I have finally left Detroit. From Motown, we set off to finish the rest of Michigan. Because of work, personal illness, and a sick computer, there have been some delays in our blog posts. We'll try to go back to writing articles (one about Founders and one about Lansing, but only if you pester me about it), but for the time being, I thought I would do a quick run down of what we have done since Detroit.

First to Jackson, where nothing happened. Then to Lansing. We went to the Michigan Brewing Company, Katie got sick, we were handed a flyer about a missing college girl, saw the capital building. The next day, we finished Lansing, Mike ate fried gizzards and a deep fried cheeseburger, and we headed off to Grand Rapids. Spent half a day at the Gerald Ford Presidential Museum and went to Founders (among the top ten breweries in the world). 

From Grand Rapids, we went to Muskegon. We were shocked that the third most popular tourist attraction in Michigan was even worse than Toledo or Flint. This downtown was horrible. To be far, most people go there for the beaches and what's around Muskegon than actually visit Muskegon. 

Then it was a lazy trip down to Holland, where we saw some buffalo, some China like art work that Katie tells me is actually Dutch made in America, and checked out New Holland Brewery (awesome). I think we ended the day in Kalamazoo, where Mike was very sick. Then we worked on Saturday in Marshall, Battle Creek and Kalamazoo. That's where we saw the world's best turkey sandwich (see posting below). Ended up back in Holland. 

Spent a good hour and a half looking for breakfast in Holland. Then we canoed the Kalamazoo River. It was beautiful. Went camping at Van Buren State Park. Stepped our toes in Lake Michigan, a mere two hundred yards from a nuclear power plant. Sunset ruined by storm clouds. 

Woke up today (Monday the 14th). Spent the anniversary of our "first" date fighting in the morning. Then it was dune rides outside of Saugatuak. Learned that the city of Singapore, Michigan has been buried by sand dunes caused by the deforesting that was the life blood of that city (irony). This included a three story hotel that hasn't been seen since the 60's. Headed back to Kalamazoo for the Air Zoo, Bells Brewery (home of Oberon), and a replacement video camera needed for work. 

We are now in South Bend. We're hoping to see a bit of Notre Dame before heading off to Fort Wayne and Indianapolis. Indiana could be done within this week (or the beginning of next). Then off to central Illinois. 

Still looking for interesting places to see and do. 

Trip Data

On the Road: 26

Film Day: 17

Starting Point: Van Buren St. Park, MI

Ending Point: South Bend, IN

Via: Saugatauk, South Haven, Kalamazoo

Miles: 188

Miles in a Dune Ride: 3

Microbrews Tried: 6

Fast thing touched: Blackbird spy plane, fastest plane ever built

Number of times that mike crashed the flight simulator: Enough that the machine decided to make Katie fly.

Number of firework shops found within a quarter of a mile from the Michigan border: 3

Anniversary Katie is celebrating: 1 year since first date

Anniversary Mike is celebrating: 1 year since first kiss

On the Road: 25

Film Day: 17

Starting Point: Holland, MI

Ending Point: Van Buren St. Park, MI

Via: Kalamazoo River

Miles: 63

Miles Canoed: 14

Microbrews Tried: 2

Here's an idea to make a million dollars: open a breakfast place in downtown Holland. On Sunday morning, our trusty GPS, Claire, sent us to another non-existent establishment. (If you plug in an address that is on Washington St., then why would our gps take us a location that is a mile and a half fucking miles from Washington St?). So, we went to downtown Holland, where our options was a thirty minute wait at a dinner, a $20 breakfast buffet, or a bagel at a coffee shop (with a 8 person line). So, grab some friends and make me an omelette. Within ten years, you'll make a million dollars. 

Katie-ism

On her first day in Indiana:

"I don't want to go in the store. There's a lady in hi-tops and a scrunchi chain-smoking outside."

(In Indiana's defense, this may or may not have taken place a smidge north of the border. Same idea though.)

(From Mike: In Indiana's defense, this took place in Michigan.)

World's Best

Saying that you make the "world's best" is a bit of a cliche. It's like saying you're the local's favorite in a tourist magazine. It's just arrogant. 

But, suppose you make a turkey sandwich that everyone loves. A turkey sandwich that makes you the owner of the most popular food booth at the 1960 county fair. Suppose that this turkey sandwich is so popular that you decide to open up a restaurant. And suppose that even though this restaurant is no where near a town (fifteen minutes north of Marshall, twenty minutes from east of Battle Creek), this turkey sandwich is so good that it spawns an empire. From this turkey sandwich, you also open an ice cream parlor, a fudge shop, and an arcade. And people who eat this turkey sandwich want to take this wonderful taste home with them, so you open a gift shop with your home made salad dressing and frozen turkey gizzards. 

But still, this is not enough, so you hire bands to play at 11:00 in the morning in your gazebo, and you have to buy the lot next to you to expand your parking lot. Yet people still come for this turkey sandwich. When we were there, three tour busses were parked outside, though there was nothing else to do. So to keep the tour busses entertained, the makers of this turkey sandwich bringing in a theater troop that play year round. This turkey sandwich is so well known unlike the restaurant in downtown Marshall that has been opened for more than a hundred years and appeared on national TV, you don't have to have billboards on I-94 and I-69. This turkey sandwich brings in so many people that flea markets set up across your street. You're turkey sandwich is so popular that locals start rightfully calling you Turkeyville, USA. 

Surely, such a turkey sandwich would have to be the world's best. 

We wouldn't know. We didn't try it.

After all, it's just a turkey sandwich. 

http://www.turkeyville.com/ 

Trip Data

Trip Data

On the Road: 24

Film Day: 17

Starting Point: Kalamazoo, MI

Ending Point: Holland, MI

Via: Battle Creek, MI, South Haven, MI

Miles: 324

Microbrews Tried: 1

Number of weddings we walked in on: 2

Number of times we changed our weekend plans: 8

By the way, we are still looking for weekend ideas.